How To Make Your Child's Hitting Behavior Stop
Posted: Saturday, November 07, 2009
by Alice Owen
A child hitting his parents or other children is of course unacceptable. Before saying "no" or "stop", it's very important to understand what causes this behavior and then explain why it's wrong. You can't expect your child to know what is good or bad without you telling him.
Before I tell you how to make your child hitting behavior stop, I need to make one thing clear: a child hitting does not want to physically hurt you. It is just that, at one point, it's the only response he can find. Yes, it is a way to express something, usually frustration.
- Stay calm! Temper your emotions, don't imitate your child. Always remember that what you do means "it's ok" to your child. He takes you as a role model.
- Show the effects of hitting . Make a sad face, say "Ouch! You hurt me! Yes you did, it does hurt when you hit me." Your child needs to understand this and feel compassion for you at that moment. Tell him that you don't hit the people you love and that's why you don't hurt him physically. Never.
- Ask why he hit you. You'll see that the reason may be hunger or just that he's tired or because of a sudden change. For example if you told him it was time to leave the park without warning him before, or changed your mind about something. Details for you, not for him! Your child will be willing to answer why he hit you because you're calm and just look shocked by his behavior and vulnerable too.
- Now that you know the reason why, tell him that there are other ways to express his feelings. Yes anger is normal, frustration too. You, as a parent, feel these feelings too. But you express them with words. And that's what he can do too. Show him an example. Tell him "Instead of hitting me, you could have told me: "Mummy, I want to stay 10 minutes more at the park. I don't want to leave right now". That way we can discuss, you see?"
- If it happens again, don't hesitate to punish your child. It's important that if you said "no" once, you stay firm about this and always explain and punish your child hitting behavior if he does not stop. Tell him to stay in his room 20 minutes. Wait 20 minutes and go tell him his punishment his over and ask him if he understands why he was punished. Then say "I love you"! Yes children often mistake punishment with a lack of love.
The good news is there are many other solutions to help you with parenting issues. Nothing should be neglected in your child's behavior. One behavior problem such as a child hitting sometimes hides another problem. That's why parenting programs exist. I personally recommend a website called www.YourParentingHelp.com . It has been created by a group of parents who decided to make a selection of the best parenting programs available, tested by them. It's a very friendly website and the reviews help seeing clearly how each parenting program can help you! Well it did help me. I'm just a mom, not a therapist!
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